


Out Of My League

by robinbucc



Category: Big Mouth (Cartoon)
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Break Up, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay Male Character, Gay Panic, Heartbroken Matthew, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Jay, Romance, Teen Romance, Toxic Relationship, bisexual awakening, jay and matthew
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24504898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinbucc/pseuds/robinbucc
Summary: Summer was a way of relaxing after a mess of a school year. Especially for me.Year 7 had been exhausting, considering all the work and especially drama. Not like I was studying or anything, but that cool drug I took made me function for a few days, it was the first ASSes exam I didn't fuck up, before I was nearly uhhh,,,arrested....Anyways, everything that happened in this school year changed me. Like changed changed me.I realized that I ALSO liked dicks, which was a relief bc I literally had a crisis after kissing...Matthew.
Relationships: Jay Bilzerian/Matthew
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

JAYS POV

Summer was a way of relaxing after a mess of a school year. Especially for me.

Year 7 had been exhausting, considering all the work and especially drama. Not like I was studying or anything, but that cool drug I took made me function for a few days, it was the first ASSes exam I didn't fuck up, before I was nearly uhhh,,, 

arrested....

Anyways, everything that happened in this school year changed me. Like changed changed me.

I realized that I ALSO liked dicks, which was a relief bc I literally had a crisis after kissing...

Matthew.

Why the actual fuck I still feel weird when I think about him ? It was official that he was dating a hot twink he met at some pharmacy. And he literally IGNORED me after I came out as bi. 

I thought he would be happy that there was a guy who also liked guys at the school, but no, he acted like a total dick and made me feel like shit.

I hate to admit it but I thought if I came out to the whole school on HIS tv show, me and him would...

have a chance.

maybe?

fuck. 

I have a lot of spare time that I spend on overthinking about everything, especially my relationships, and masturbating of course. This puberty and shit. 

This summer feels different, I guess? Jessi moved and Nick is still away at camp. Which sucks.

I just can't get the same vibes from our friendship, you know? 

At least I can get some fresh air and hang out with Andrew even if we have absolutely nothing to talk about. But hey, it is still a thing, right?

Other than that, I have become more aware of my surroundings since now boys also are an option for me.

Wait,,,

Does that make me gay?

I stood in silence for a while. My head was empty as fuck.

....

....

....

....What is actually the meaning of li-

UGHHHH, FUCK ME! ENOUGH, FUCKING ENOUGH OF THIS. THE OVERTHINKING SESSION IS FUCKING OVER JAY. YOU AREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT. THESE FUCKING HORMONES OF MINE!

I really needed to sleep. It is nearly 3 am.

I also craved ice cream.

THE MORNING AFTER

I didn't know why, but I was actually feeling energetic today even tho I couldn't sleep until 4 am because i had finished a whole tub of ice cream.

I called Andrew to tour around the city because the weather was SO fucking hot, 

also the boys...

also the girls... 

PEOPLE WERE SO FUCKING HOT!! I needed to jerk off more than I usually do because shiiit, I was feeling hornier than ever. 

Since I don't have my pillows anymore, I needed to see some hot people, because you know, I need to imagine something while jacking.. uhh.... off. It felt really cringy to actually think about that. 

When Andrew and I met at our usual spot, I was now ready to spot every attractive person on our way.

We started walking with bunch of snacks on our hands and headed to the park where every middle schooler goes. Unfortunately there wasn't many people there but something caught my eye. 

DAAAMN, those brunette girls wearing black tank tops were hot as fuck.

Shit, also that guy standing next to the bus stop can get it tho,, I should get close to him...

Andrew was confused and asked me what the fuck I was doing but I didn't hear.

I was getting close to him. 

wait...

there are two guys there... wait...

HOLD THE FUCK UP- I HEARD THESE VOICES BEFORE-

matthew.

and aiden.


	2. CHAPTER 2

JAYS POV

well well well....

said matthew.

what a nice surprise.

aiden looked at me.

shit.

what am i gonna do now?

h-hii- uhh- i mean hellooo!!!

i said while stuttering.

they both looked at me with disgust. I didn't even do anything do them!?

why are you looking at me like that? I just said h-

matthew interrupted me.

YOU, disgusting pig, almost ruined our date. Get out of here.

I was hurt. But i knew he was doing it just to impress Aiden. While Aiden didn't even care at all.

Matthew chuckled nervously.

Dont you have something to do? Like fucking your pillows?

he laughed while looking at Aiden.

I knew he was faking it. But i got along with it and left there without saying anything.

This piece of shit. We kiss twice, then he ignores me, then i realize i was bi bc of HIM, i tell him about it, he ignores me AGAIN, now he is being mean to me bc of his stupid boyfriend?

I cant stand him. But he is cute. Like really cute.

I can't forget abt the day when he gave me a hick-

JAY. FUCKING STOP. PLEASE. HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE YOU.

I said to myself.

Andrew was still trying to process what happened.

Man, what the hell? Why did Matthew said those to you?

I replied,

Classic old Matthew, nothing new.

"yOu ALmoST rUiNeD oUr DAtE" well he ruined my whole fucking day!! I dont have the motivation to jerk of at all.

Why dont we just go?, oh also Andrew, can i stay at your place? My brothers are making me eat cum crackers again.

I said, trying to keep a serious face.

Oh- oh of course? We will eat at my home then.

said Andrew.

Yeah, it would be great.

I replied.

MATTHEWS POV  
Pheww, i almost fucked up.

Aiden smiled at me awkwardly.

uhmm, well i need to uhh go home.

he said, looking at the grass.

i was kinda disappointed: i tried to make him laugh by assaulting an already-fucked up kid and he didnt even notice.

well, ok then. byeeeeee

byeeee

he said. i really wanted to cry.

when i got home, all i was thinking about was my relationship with aiden. why didn't we feel the same anymore? why did i feel like i need to prove myself to make him like me? why was he more distant w me?

it was all good when we first met. we hung out, we kissed. but something has always felt off with him.

then i realized.

i wish i didn't.

i liked him, because he was gay and attractive. i didn't even get to know him. i liked the feeling of having a boyfriend.  
but i couldn't admit it.

i still liked him but it didn't feel good anymore.  
but i can't break up w him.

he is all i have.

but is he tho?

for now he is.

i dont like to get emotional, but i really cared about our relationship and now i fucked it up.

We will see how this goes. I hope i don't get even more hurt.


	3. CHAPTER 3

MATTHEWS POV  
Ok, i decided. I will give him one more chance. It is currently 2 am and i have nothing better to do since i couldn't sleep.  
How can i tell Jessi about this? She tried so hard to set us up and know im being a piece of shit by letting go of him.

Is it the right thing to do?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

Maury was nowhere to be seen. I needed him so much right now but he was probably making some other kids jerk off. I was fucking sad and no one seemed to understand.

Just one more chance, Matthew.

If he fails once again, you know what to do.

I gulped.

I didn't want to do this, but i also didn't want to get hurt anymore.

Shit.

I need to get my mind off this. I should try to sleep.

.  
.

THE MORNING AFTER

JAYS POV

After playing some video games and binging doritos, we eventually fell asleep.

I slept for more than 10 hours without waking up, which was a good thing, i guess?

because normally, at my house, i would sleep for 2 hours then spend the whole day trying to protect myself from by brothers.

After i woke up, the first thing that came to my mind was Matthew and how he acted like a pussy the other day. I shouldnt care that much about him.

but fuck, i do.

i really do.

I had so many questions. Why was he not happy when i saw him? Why did Aiden look completely uninterested in him? Why did he act like that when he saw me? 

Man, fuck my thoughts.

Meanwhile Andrew was trying to explain me why he cant let me stay in their house anymore because he was going to florida.

I didn't bother. I always had my Diane mommy to go to. Besides, i can eat good food and lay at their comfy bed without being judged.

I nodded.

Okay Andrew, see you soon then, bye man!

I replied quickly and rushed to nicks house.

When i arrived at there, my daddy Elliot was really happy that he saw me bc he still couldnt get over the fact nick was gone for weeks.

Hi Jay, did your parents "home aloned" you again?

Diane asked.

I replied,

No, no, im stuck with my mom and she really doesn't take care of me and i need some affection,,,,

why the fuck did i just say that?

i tried to get back to my point.

uhhhh.... and food you know? Andrews are going to florida again, so i decided to stay here for a while.

Diane mommy and daddy was glad that i came to them and eventually let me into their house.

When i was laying on the couch changing my pants, i decided to go to that new mac & cheese restaurant bc i was craving pasta,

and i was sure diane mommy preffered to make more "healthy meals", i think? I can spend some time alone eating in a dope ass restaurant. Also, elliot can give me some money for it.

I immediately asked,

Cool, cool! So I have placed my stuff here, can i go outside to waste some time? And some cash would be great! I can get some snacks! Is it alright by you, Elliot mommy?

Yeah yeah, my sweet child, heres some money for you to spend, be home by 9! I love you!

Said Elliot.

I really loved him.

....

When i got to the place, i realized it was crowded but i didn't mind. Food is food. At least im not eating mcdonalds for the 7th time in a row.

My home life was complicated.

fuck yeah, there are also some hot chicks and guys at here, i can benefit from it.

I smirked.

....

I sat at the table and ordered my meal. While i checked out the expensive drinks on the menu for fun, i heard a familiar voice.

Oh shit, not again.

I looked closely.

What a coincidence!

Ughh, it was aiden. Typical. I wonder where Matthew is.

Wait, the guy in front of him...

he wasn't Matthew.

It was some other guy and he was definitely in our age.

Am i supposed to be concerned?

Whaa, what did just happen?

Did they just...

hold hands?

oh fuck.


	4. CHAPTER 4

JAYS POV

Is this fucking real?

I knew there was something wrong with him. 

Shit, Aiden is REALLY cheating on Matthew.

Like, how can you cheat on MATTHEW?

How can you not love MATTHEW? 

How can he be NOT ENOUGH for you?

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. 

I looked closely.

Aiden looked anxious, AS HE SHOULD BE BECAUSE HE IS A FUCKING CHEATER. And the other boy, he was still trying to flirt with Aiden.

What should I do, what should I fucking do?

I realized that my meal got already cold as I was distracted by a CHEATER and his side guy-chick. 

Fuck that, I should tell this to Matthew. If I don't take a photo of them right now, he might not believe me.

You can do it Jay. Don't be suspicious.

I slowly turned on my camera and quickly took a photo right as Aiden kissed the other boy. 

Fuck, what should I do now?

I had Matthew number, but I wasn't sure he had mine. But fuck it, this is a SERIOUS problem.

I texted:

-hi, this is jay and idc if you ignore me rn but some fucked up shit happened. text me asap

It got delivered and i saw him got online a few minutes later.

he started typing.

my heart was beating fast.

\- what do you want jay? it better be important bc I'm not gonna waste my time for u

i texted back,

\- I'm at this new restaurant rn and I saw something unpleasant...

*insert 1 image*

i'm sorry, I'm not lying.

my fingers were shaking. I felt dizzy. I wonder if he felt the same.

MATTHEWS POV

I stared at the screen, blankly.

All sounds faded. All I could hear was my heart, and how fast it was beating.

this can't be real.

is this one of jays stupid magic tricks?

I should call Jay. now.

His phone rang for a minute then he opened.

-Uhhh, Matthew, h-

-JAY, YOU ARE NOT KIDDING RIGHT NOW, ARE YOU? 

I shouted as I held back my tears.

\- Why should I make a joke about something like that, jeez! Im as shocked as you are. 

Matthew, stay strong. You still have hope.

I said to myself.

I replied back:

\- How can I know if its photoshopped? How can I know if they are just friends? JAY, THIS ISNT FUN-

\- Matthew, SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND. I can still see them. THEY ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING MATTHEW. THEY ARE BOTH SMILING. THIS FUCKING RESTAURANT IS FOR MIDDLE AGED DIVORCEES TRYING TO BOND WITH THEIR TRAUMATIZED ONE NIGHT STAND CHILD, SO I CAN SEE WHY HE CHOSE HERE. If I didn't care about you, I would let you fuck around with a CHEATER, 

so KNOW your worth Matthew. I think I need to leave you alone. You are clearly hurt. 

He hung up.

I was numb. heartbroken. hurt. my boyfriend, my FIRST boyfriend cheated on me with another GUY in this small town. Fuck.

Looking back, I knew it.

This was his last chance Matthew. He failed. You should break up with him or he will break up with you.

I threw my phone as I laid to my bed sobbing.

Jays voice was still echoing in my head.

"If I didn't care about you..."

"know your worth Matthew..."

Fuck, he cared about me when my "BOYFRIEND" didn't. I'm dumb. I'm really dumb.

Fuck my life.

JAYS POV

Why did I just say that?

I said to Matthew that I cared about him.

After I fucking told him his bf was CHEATING.

I'm dumb. I'm really dumb.

I realized that the boy and Aiden quit the place.

Oh shit.

I quickly finished my cold ass food, gave the money and rushed to the exit.

They were still there.

I hid myself behind to a table.

I heard them talking.

\- It was a great night Aiden. Hope your *sigh* "boyfriend" doesn't learn about us.

\- Don't worry babe. There was a reason I chose this place. Besides, I'm actually planning to break up with him.

-Be quick then. Find some excuses. But don't let him know it was because of me. Not gonna lie, he is just really unfunny and really unattractive. You can do better. See you soon, byeee! I love you!

-I love you too, byeee....

I gulped. THIS PIECE OF SHIT. 

HE CHEATED ON MOTHERFUCKING MATTHEW MACDELL.

I WOULD TREAT HIM BETTER.

Why was my face wet all of a sudden? SHIT, WAS I CRYING? OVER SOMEONE CHEATING? WHICH ISN’T CONNECTED TO ME AT ALL?

Oh shit, I really love Matthew.

shit.


	5. Chapter 5

JAYS POV  
I loved him.

I really loved him.

And my dumbass JUST figured it out. 

It was the happiest i've ever been, when i kissed him. 

when he kissed me. 

twice. 

how he kissed me. how i was his first kiss. how he was my first guy kiss.

It was the saddest i've ever been, when he ignored me after THAT night. 

how i thought we WERE a thing. 

how i was so disappointed. 

when he ignored me after i came out. 

how i thought we WOULD be a thing. 

how i was so fucking disappointed. 

twice.

I know i would get rejected anyway. 

He doesn't like me. He doesn't love me. 

I'm just a comedic relief for him, and everyone in my life.

Shit, i am still crying. 

Over a guy.

Over a guy who doesn't like me.

Over a guy who won't like me.

And I'm still at this fucking restaurant.

It's late. I should go.

I started running. I don't want Diane to worry about me. She cares about me more than my parents anyway.

Also, I will fucking destroy that Aiden guy when i see him.

How dare he breaks Matthew heart? How dare he cheats on him?

MATTHEWS POV

I was still crying. It has been 2 hours. No one asked how i was. Even my mom. It's not like we were close, but i would appreciate if someone cared about me. 

Well Jay did. 

I hate myself. I was a piece of shit towards him. 

Just for someone who cheated on me. Just for someone i didn't know at all.

It was 11 pm. How can i tell Aiden i saw him cheated on me? How can face him without tears dropping from my eyes?

Then i heard a voice. 

-Hey kid uhhh I'm sorry for not being here for you but i was busy trying to help Andrew get with his cousib after he sent her a dick pick, i heard that your Aiden cheated on you. I came here as quickly as possib-

I snapped back.

-Thanks Maurice but i sobbed for hours and no one was here to satisfy me! I am your favorite kid, you should've been there for me!

\- Okay im really sorry kiddo, but i promise i will tear that guy into pieces when i see him! How dare he! You have the face of a God and you are super talented! That kid thought he really did something with cheating on you with a guy who looks like Lola's long lost brother that is 10 times more annoying than she is!

\- Ughhh, this needs to end quick. I will face him tomorrow and tell him i want to break ıp with him.

\- THEN TEXT HIM MATT! TEXT HIM SAYING YOU NEED TO TALK SO HE COULDN'T SLEEP THINKING YOU LEARNED HIS DISGUSTING SECRET. DELETE ALL YOUR PICS, UNFOLLOW HIM AND DELETE HIS CONTACT. THAT DICK DESERVES IT.

\- OKAY,OKAY. I'm texting him. 

I took a deep breath.

My eyes were aching.

\- Aiden, can we talk ? This is serious. Tomorrow, at the park. 1 pm.

Oh shit. Maury, i did it!

\- YES YES. NOW LEAVE HIM ON READ SO HE WILL BE FUCKING CONFUSED.

He got online.

Shitshitshitshit.

typing....

after a few minutes... his text popped up on the screen:

\- oh ok then, actually i had something to say to you too. see you.

Maurice frowned.

-SEE YOU? BITCH, YOU WILL NEVER SEE THIS FACE EVER AGAIN.

\- Calm down. I need to sleep. I already planned a speech. I hope i don't act like a crybaby as soon as i get there. Good night Maury, 

and thanks.

-Anytime kid. Whenever you need me, in here okay? Good night.

As i closed my eyes, I heard Jay's voice again.

"Know your worth Matthew."

THE MORNING AFTER

I woke up with a headache. Considering i cried my ass off last night, i didn't care. 

I looked at my clock.

Shit, it was nearly 12 pm! I needed to get dressed and eat something before the huge "encounter". Ughhh.

Maury appeared again.

-Ready to make that asshole cry? He is really unlucky to lose you, you know? 

I replied.

\- Yes Maury, but i need to get prepared since i JUST woke up. I have 15 minutes to get out of house. Can you just not distract me already??

\- Oh okay, im just really excited- and also sad to see what will happen. Good luck kid!!

I sighed. 

I washed my face, wore my usual outfit and went downstairs to get some snacks.

I quickly changed my tone before facing my parents, because you know....

\- Hi dad, hi mom! I need to go somewhere so don't mind making breakfast today, I will eat a sandwich or something, bye!

I rushed to the door as my dad said:

What is the rush, son? Are you going to meet someone? Oh well well well, who is the lucky girl?

I rolled my eyes and closed the door as i started to run.

Maury appeared once again.

\- YOU WILL SHOW THAT LITTLE ASSHOLE WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF, RUN MATT, FUCKING RUN!

\- WHAT THE HELL? I'M RUNNING, I CAN'T GET FASTER!

\- I WAS JUST TRYING TO BOOST UP YOUR CONFIDENCE!

\- IM GOING THERE TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE, NOT A PHOTOSHOOT FOR A MAGAZINE, JEEEZ! CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

After 10 minutes of running, panting and arguing with Maury, i was there.

he was there too.

Luckily no one else was there. 

\- Okay Matt, you can do this. Just go there and say those words.

I said to myself.

I walked to bank as he was sitting there anxiously.

-Ughhhh, hi Matt- Matthew!

-Hi Aiden.

I have something important to tell you.

We both said at the same time.

Aiden continued,

Matthew, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry....

\- I don't think this can work out anymore. I'm really sorry. It's just, things are hard for me and-

Maurice shouted:

\- RAGE, RAGE, FUCKING RAGE!!!

I raised my voice and continued:

\- OH, i know AIDEN. I KNOW you are keeping secrets from me. I KNOW everything. I was planning to break up with you too. 

Aiden tried to reply but i interrupted him.

...I don't want to get hurt anymore. 

I continued:

I did everything so you could like me, but you didn't even care bc you didn't love me!

my voice shivered.

You just dated me bc i was the only out kid in this town, but oh look, you found another one! Go have fun with him. 

I DON'T NEED YOU.

my eyes got watery.

Aiden asked:

\- How- how did you know?

\- I know everything Aiden. Actually, I feel sorry for you. A quick side note, you are VERY LUCKY i won't tell your bullshit on my tv program. You don't DESERVE IT. BUT I DESERVE BETTER. 

Now bye, it is over.

I turned my back and wiped my tears as i started to run to the opposite direction.

\- but wait- im sorr-

\- YOU ALREADY HURT ME AIDEN. I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE. YOU WANTED TO BREAK UP WITH ME TOO, NOW IT HAPPENED! FEEL HAPPY NOW? 

I shouted one last time and started to run.

Maury was really happy:

YOU DID IT KID, HE IS JUST STANDING LIKE A TOTAL PUSSY, YOU COMPLETELY DESTROYED HIM MATT! I'M PROUD OF MY BABY!

I chuckled while i continued to uncontrollably cry.

I didn't even know where was i going.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as i was still running. 

Then i felt something.

Pain.

I realized i bumped into something. 

Oh shit, it hurts really much, where am i?

Then i saw a boy with caramel colored skin and dark hair running toward me.

Isn't that...

"HEY MAN! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? ARE YOU OKAY?"

Jay.


	6. Chapter 6

JAYS POV

What the fuck did just happen?

I realized my love for Matthew yesterday and now he shows up with an injured head? 

God, he is really hurt. I should help him.

"MATTHEW! CAN YOU HEAR ME? WHAT HAPPENED AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

He started talking.

"Ow my fucking he-head! Can you just help me already?! I'm gonna puk-"

"Okay okay! I'm staying at Nicks house and I think we can take care of you there. Yo, let me help you out, come on."

He held my hand and got up.

I blushed.

-Oh, well thanks! A lot happened as you know, I will tell everything, I promise.

Matthew? Being nice? to me? while being a decent guy? Wow, that head bang really changed everything.

When I opened the door, Diane immediately ran to us.

\- Oh my goodness, what happened to you Matthew? 

-Well, I was running and I bumped into something, then Jay saw me and brought me here. I'm sorry if I caused you inconvenience.

-No, no! Let Diane mommy take care of you, okay?

She smiled.

Matthew smiled back.

Damn, she was everyone's dream mom.

-Stay here, alright? I will get you some ice and bandage.

-Yes, thank you very much.

Matthew replied.

He was so cute.

He looked absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to kiss him so badly.

He turned to me.

-And Jay, thank you for helping me. I would probably lose my ability to remember if you weren't there for me.

-No problem. This is what friends are for.

friends.

i hated that word. 

MATTHEWS POV

friends.

I wish we were more than tha- 

damn it Matthew! You've been through so much today, this isn't the time for some stupid romance!

After a few minutes, Mrs. Diane came and covered up my stitches and put an ice bag on my head.

-Hey kids, if you are bored, you can go upstairs to hang out. Matthew, you look really tired, do you mind staying over tonight?

Maurice appeared and started to shake me. 

-Maury what are you doin-

-SAY YES! SAY YES! THIS IS THE OPPORTUNITY! AIDEN CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF. 

-Calm down! I don't think of him like that.

-Are you sure? It seems like to me you are in denial-

-NO I'M NOT-

Oh-

Maurice laughed.

-HAHAHA, BUSTED.

I replied to Mrs. Diane.

-Oh yeah, I would love to, actually. If it doesn't bother you, can you call my mom to inform her? It would be more convincing if you said it.

Mrs. Diane smiled.

-Of course, I think I have your moms phone number, let me call her. There's already an extra room prepared next to where Jay's sleeping.

Maurice shouted:

-YESSS BABY THIS IS WHAT I WAS WAITING FO-

\- Maury can you shut up? You are acting like I didn't just break up with my first boyfriend because he CHEATED on me. Besides, I don't think I still like Jay.

\- You know how I can tell when you are lying?

-Ughh, just give me a night off. I'm exhausted.

Maurice replied with a sexual tone: 

-Alright, I will leave you alone for a while. Bye kiddo.

I sighed.

Finally.

I looked at Jay.

I didn't know what to say. 

I just forgot everything for a second.

Uhhh, Jay, we can go upstairs if you like want.... like if you want to learn what happened, also uh,, since i don't have my pajamas,,if it doesn't bother you guys of course,,can i borrow some clothes? No- not from you, from Nicks-

God i felt stupid. 

Why did i just do that?

Jay looked at me with confusion:

Dude are you okay? Diane was right, you are really tired and shocked. Lets go upstairs.

He helped me get up and we went to Jay's -temporary- room.

He sat on the bed while i laid on the floor.

— So- are you gonna tell me what happened?

— Oh yes, of course. Well you know, Aiden ch-cheated on me. Last night i texted him saying we need to talk. Today, i went to our usual spot, the park, and i bro- broke up with him. I wasn't really mature about that. I yelled and everything. Then i started running without knowing where i was going, i still don't know why i did that, closed my eyes for a few seconds and bum! I found myself there.

Did i overshare?

I continued.

\- I hope you aren't tired of my bullshit. I'm sorry. It was just too much for m-

He interrupted.

-No Matt, i actually feel happy you opened up to me, i know what a heartbreak feels like. Well, i very much know many feelings i shouldn't really know at this age. 

He smiled.

But im here for you. As i said, i care about you.

His expression changed.

Even if you broke my heart, like two times.

I did?

God, im really a piece of shit.

-Jay, im so sorry if i made you upset before, it really wasn't my intention to do it. I'm the sarcastic queer everyone knows, and i sticked to that role. 

Jay replied.

-It is okay Matthew. I'm used to it. 

I saw tears dropping of his face.

Seconds later, he wiped them and started to laugh.

-Hey, i don't really like to get emotional and shit, let's watch some movie or play some video games, there's enough negativity in this world. You just broke up with your bf, let me cheer you up!

I couldn't believe this kid. He was a mess.

But i still liked him, i guess? He was interesting, really interesting.

\- Okay then, how about watching a movie?

\- Seems okay! What do you want to watch?

\- I don't know that much. Let me think...

Oh, How about a comedy film? Like you said that you wanted to cheer me up.

He jumped to the floor and started to shout.

\- I HAVE A BETTER IDEA!! LETS WATCH A COMEDY MOVIE, BUT RATED R SO THERE WILL BE LOTS OF SEX JOKES AND ROMANCE -OR WHATEVER???- IN IT!

Okay, classic Jay is back. 

I liked seeing him happy.

I opened Netflix and started to search.

\- Alright, oh, i found one in Netflix just now. It is a rom-com and-

-RATED R!! YES! PARTY WOLFF-

\- Jay! I know you have done much worse than watching a stupid +18 movie. Why are you so worked up?

\- I don't know, i guess i wanted to do something fun with you...

\- Really? 

I blushed.

\- yes.

\- Oh, Let's start watching then!

I got up and sat next to Jay.

Why am i feeling weird?

The movie started.

It really wasn't the type of movie that i loved but i must admit, it had some funny jokes.

I couldn't look at him.

It felt weird.

There was a lot of tension, god. I hope i don't fuck this up.

JAYS POV

We were nearly at half of the movie, and neither of us made eye contact with each other.

I really wanted to kiss him.

But i couldn't find the courage.

I was scared that i would say something stupid.

Our hands were touching.

I couldn't resist. 

He was perfect.

But at the same time, he just broke up with his boyfriend so things were rough for him, 

and he didn't like me. 

But i really want to know if i have a chance.

As i was watching, they mentioned a sex joke and i couldn't help but laugh.

He laughed too.

We both laughed for minutes, and i finally looked at him.

He was smiling. He was looking at me too.

I smiled back.

We looked back at the screen. 

Two of the side characters, which were both guys, were sitting in a quiet room.

They started talking about how they had fun with eachother throughout the years.

The other guy apologized to him bc he betrayed him back in middle school.

This was oddly familiar.

A romantic song started playing.

Is this my chance?

The guy slowly leaned to kiss the other one.

Jay, fuck it, this is your chance.

I looked at Matthew. His face was red.

I held his hand.

He was caught off guard.

Jay-

Miliseconds later, i found my lips at his.


	7. Chapter 7

MATTHEWS POV

I just couldn't resist.

My heart was beating so fast.

I felt happy. Happier than how it was with Aiden.

But a part of me was still...

couldn't accept it.

Jay and I had a very complicated relationship.

Like...

very complicated.

From that day at the Teacher's Lounge to when i was with Aiden and literally yelled at him.

I liked him. But i never expressed that to him.

Like he said, i had broken his heart many times.

I knew he was broken.

I knew he got really sad after i told him our kiss was a one time thing.

I knew he got really dissapointed after i didn't care about the fact he was bi.

I was the reason behind him realizing he liked guys.

But i was so OBSESSED with all of the drama at school and AIDEN, 

so he always thought i hated him.

How he was happy when we kissed for the second time.

How he got really awkward when he started talking to me.

Everything about him and our relationship started to make sense.

And i never,

ever,

realized that.

I pressed my lips harder.

I held his hand.

He replied back with holding my waist.

I felt his hands shaking uncontrollably.

God, he really,

really,

really liked me then.

When we both got tired and pulled our faces, I looked at him.

He was really shocked, and his face was totally red.

He was still shaking.

He still couldn't look at me.

After 2 minutes of silence, i finally started talking:

-Jay, are u okay?

\- Oh, yeah yea, totally... im TOTALLY fine like i've never been finer hahah-

\- Hey, i'm looking at you and you are clearly nıt okay. Jay, please, tell me the trut-

As i said that, i saw tears starting to drop out of his face.

\- I'm just- I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH OKAY? 

-oh-

\- LIKE YOU ACTED LIKE A TOTAL DICK TO ME BUT I STILL CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN FACE ALRIGHT? 

he continued.

-SINCE THE DAY WE KISSED, I JUST ONLY THOUGHT ABOUT YOU! EVEN A STUPID MALE COUCH CUSHION WANTED TO FUCK ME AFTER THAT! 

I REALIZED THAT I LIKED GUYS.

I REALIZED THAT I LIKED GUYS BECAUSE OF YOU, MATT.

I LOVE YOU, I'M NOT THE IDEAL BOYFRIEND, I KNOW, BUT I FUCKING LOVE YOU DUDE! EVEN JESSI DUMPED ME BECAUSE OF HOW STUPID I WAS, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. 

I'M A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING, I'M A SEX FREAK, I'M A DISAPPOINTMENT WHO ONLY DOES STUPID MAGIC TRICKS AND BONDS WITH INATIMATE OBJECTS, 

but i love you.

i have said i many times, and im saying this again.

i love you.

He stopped talking as he looked at me with a broken smile.

Now it was my turn to be shocked.

I never thought someone would love me unconditionally.

No one ever really loved me before.

But the kid standing next to me.

I slowly got closer to him and gave him a hug.

\- Jay, uh, i can't believe im saying this,

but i love you too.

even tough we are two stupid teenagers in puberty.

i think i really-

i gulped.

love you.

\- really?

-really.

I kissed his cheek to make him feel loved, happy and safe.

He blushed.

I smiled again.

Seconds later, he started laughing.

\- Fuck, I don't really get emotional easy but you really got me acting like a chick.

Does that make me gay?

\- No Jay, that makes you bi.

I chuckled.

\- Matt!? YOU FINALLY ACCEPTED MY IDENTITY! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE BABY! 

I blushed.

Matt....

How cute he looked while saying it.

As soon as i smiled, I felt someones hot breath behind me.

Maury.

How nice.

\- KID! YOU DID IT! WITHOUT MY HELP. YOU ARE NOW LITERALLY A MASTER YOU HOT FUCK! YOU FRENCHED THAT HOT ARMENIAN LIKE YOU NEVER BROKE UP WITH SOMEONE A FEW HOURS AGO! I'M PROUD OF YO-

\- SHUT UP MAURICE! I still don't know what we are. We confessed our love to each other but know i don't know what do do.

\- THATS WHY IM HERE! 

\- Okay, so wouldn't it be kinda bitchy if we started dating the same day i broke up with my first boyfriend?

\- Fuck that! Date privately for a while, when he moves on, you announce your relationship.

\- But i'm still not over ,ugh, Aiden. I like Jay and he likes me too but i still can't stop thinking about Aiden. My feelings for him are gone because of that whole cheating thing but still! I feel broken. Oh, now i know what to do.

-Jay, since we both like each other, what are we now?

\- Ugh, man, i don't know? I've never had a boyfriend before and i know you are going thru a break up process and i don't want to make you uncomfortable so i really am confuses but i really want to date you because i love yo-

\- Jay, it's really sweet you are thinking about me. And it would be nice if we kept it cool for i don't know, for a few weeks? Don't get it wrong, i love you but Aiden was my first boyfriend and he kinda made an impact on me.

\- Oh yes, totally fine! But it doesn't mean i can't kiss you, right? 

I chuckled.

\- You still can kiss me Jay. I just don't want to label for a while.

\- Oookay! Wow!

He leaned in to kiss me.

\- Oh yeah, im 40 and such a magician and i own a red tesl-

Maurice seemed confused. 

\- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS KID DOING? I'M NOT SAYING THAT I DIDN'T LIKE IT BUT- 

-JAY! WHAT THE HELL? , Ugh, get off me!

I crossed my arms.

\- HEY DUDE I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT NO NO YOU STILL CAN KISS ME I PROMISE I WON'T DO IT EVER AGAIN!

He seemed sorry, but i just felt like i was being molested by a pedo.

Classic Jay.

He hugged me from behind and whined.

\- C'MONN I SAID I WAS SOORRY!

I replied.

\- NEWSFLASH, SAYING THAT YOU ARE A 40 YEAR OLD MAGICIAN THAT OWNS A RED TESLA WHILE WE ARE MAKING OUT IS SO FUCKING WEIRD!

\- C-CAN WE AT LEAST CUDDLE FOR A BIT?

-......UGH! FINE, BUT DON'T BE WEIRD ABOUT IT!

\- Oh, cool, cool then! You are not gonna divorce me, are you?

\- No Jay, I just don't want you to say weird shit like this if we are gonna date.

\- Okay! I promise I will behave well! I love you Matt, like i really love you!

\- I know Jay, just, be normal.

-Got it. Now can we cuddle? 

\- Yes, sure.

He lied on the couch he placed at his (temporary) room and grabbed the blanket standing at nicks chair. 

\- Lets finish the movie, right?

\- Yes, Jay, let's finish it.

We watched the rest of the movie while sharing a blanket and he hugged me like he never wanted to let go of me. 

I've never felt happier before.

I didn't know Jay could be this romantic. I guess he changed his shitty behavior for me, which i absolutely love.

I was both very sad and very happy, Aiden was still on my mind, but what happened in these couple hours wiped all the memories i had this morning.

I hope this lasts forever.


End file.
